Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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