Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so that wasnt chicken after all
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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