So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
