fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
