i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
