does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
40s are totally the cure
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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