Can Purell be used as lube?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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