your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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