hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
