My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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