So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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