Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
