I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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