True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
