You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The air taste purple.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize