I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
