May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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