Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
