and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
