$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
