I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
