You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Success! We fucked roommates!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize