I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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