do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
