for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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