Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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