she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
