About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
