I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
