Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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