so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
