I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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