You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
