the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
