This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
