I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
