just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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