Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
