I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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