About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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