But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
