I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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