just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
