my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
