Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Even my vagina gasped.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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