they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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