we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
