i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
