Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
