We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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