Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
