do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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