His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Even the bartender felt bad for me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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