I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
