He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
