I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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