i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
