Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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