"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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