i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
