I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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