dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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