For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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