Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
