If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
