the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
