OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I FOUND THE LEGS
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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