I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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