Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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