i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
