i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
