wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dignity is for republicans.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
