i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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