How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
