we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
