Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
