My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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