Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize