I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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