can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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