I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
