you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
