Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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