You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
